The story we tell ourselves
Photographer: Shao-Feng Hsu
Dear friend,
It’s been over a year since I’ve written to you. What feels most important to share? Last September, I decided to take a sabbatical as a way to focus on self-care and rest along my fertility and pregnancy journey.
Stopping the activity of work, clients, the podcast, the book, programs, and courses was a radical act for me that involved both courage and great privilege I don’t take for granted.
While I didn’t entirely expect to spend this time digging deep into my fears (my main intention was to rest), I did my best to approach this unfolding process in a gentle way, particularly through therapy and quiet mindfulness.
Through this deep introspection, I’ve learned an important lesson I want to share with you. My intention in this share is that we can take a moment to reconnect, heart to heart, and that these words may create a little more freedom for you, in whatever way they fit into your life right now.
As an entrepreneur and creative for so many years, I’ve observed that when we apply effort, we usually get the results we want. It has been a pretty straightforward process with very few hiccups to date. More effort = more results. What’s tricky about this kind of observation is that we begin to see ourselves as having full control of our lives.
And while to some extent this is true, it is equally untrue as all of us have learned through the pandemic. There are many, many things in life we absolutely cannot control no matter how much effort we throw at it. In fact, these things tend to be pretty big and consequential: birth, aging, illness, and death – mysterious processes that often don’t respond to our control.
While I don’t plan to dig into too many private details, I’ll say this – the fertility journey was far longer and harder than I expected, leaving me to grapple with an unprecedented, emotional concoction of failure, shame, and disappointment. In this struggle, a piece of simple wisdom sharpened and solidified for me more than ever:
We can’t control what happens to us but we can control the meaning we make out of what happens.
Today, I choose to look back at my fertility struggle as training ground and good preparation for pregnancy and motherhood. A kind of special purification that was asking me to let go of my perfectionism and expectations of how things should be.
Throughout my pregnancy, I’ve indeed observed how the early roadblocks I experienced help me digest the discomfort of a rapidly changing body, dwindling sleep, and the absolute terrifying and joyful unknown of ushering another human into this world.
This is why stories have so much power. The stories and narratives we choose to tell ourselves matter above all else, matter more so than what actually happens to us.
Cliché. Obvious. True!
We are meaning makers.
Our creative purpose lies not necessarily in what we decide to make, but in the meaning we make out of this absurd, wobbly, fluctuating, and fragile human life of ours.
As I have gone deeper into mindfulness, the Buddha dharma affirms this truth: all experience comes from the mind. We have the most agency over our own minds (and nobody else’s), more so than the external events that spin around us.
No matter what is happening to you – whether you are in a tender, uncertain place with your relationship, career, family planning, or overall health, what story are you choosing to tell? What story are you orienting your mind towards?
It makes all the difference.
I’m sure I’ll be back with more thoughts as I soon cross over into motherhood. 🖤
Here‘s to the journey, and you,
xx
Majo
P.S. Over the next few days and weeks, I’ll be sharing some more pics (and bits of wisdom) from this maternity photoshoot via my Instagram. Hope to connect with you there!
Photographer: Shao-Feng Hsu