Smart Disobedience: The Key to a Braver Life
Have you ever been faced with this choice: remain obedient to your family by giving up your dreams, or pursue your heart’s passion, against your family’s wishes? My guest on HEROINE this week faced that exact situation. Rana el Kaliouby, PhD, Egyptian-American computer scientist and CEO, knew her patriarchal Middle Eastern culture required her to make sacrifices she wasn’t willing to make. After studying computer science and receiving her PhD at Cambridge, Rana developed a deep passion to bring emotional intelligence (EQ) into technology. While founding her company, Affectiva, she chose to leave her marriage, rather than give up on the work she believed in so deeply. Rana recently released her first book, Girl Decoded, a memoir about her life as a rule breaker.
In this episode, Rana takes us through her childhood in the Middle East, raised in a family of technologists with strict gender roles. While she wasn’t used to vulnerability or emotion growing up, Rana discusses her personal journey in dealing with emotionally complex situations throughout her life. We also learn about the importance of following your convictions, even if they don’t align with others’ expectations. Rana teaches us when disobedience is necessary, and how to keep yourself out of your own way in the pursuit of your dreams.
Featured Moment
Majo: You chose to be true to yourself. I’m curious, how do you deal with self-doubts, because I know that it’s ongoing for all of us.
Rana: It is definitely ongoing. I mean I continue to have a lot of self-doubt. Even as I launch this book in less than a week, I have all sorts of self-doubt. Is anybody even going to want to read this book? Is it going to resonate with anyone in the world? It’s ongoing. There are many moments in my life where I felt like I was my own biggest obstacle. If there’s one thing I can share with the listeners today, especially women who are forging their own path, is don’t be your own biggest obstacle.
Show Notes
Rana’s childhood growing up in the Middle East.
The influence of Rana’s technologist family, with two programmer parents.
How Rana creatively rebelled against her father’s patriarchal ways.
The influence the mixture of a forward-thinking but conservative family had on Rana.
How Rana’s family suppressed emotions about evacuating Kuwait after it got invaded by Iraq.
The story of why Rana’s dad got angry with her while she was studying computer science.
Rana’s dream to build technology that can capture non-verbal communication signals.
How Rana realized that building EQ into technology was her calling.
What EQ in technology can offer and how this vision helped Rana disobey conventions.
The story of how Rana had to prioritize starting Affectiva to the detriment of her marriage.
Having to become a disobedient daughter in order to become a powerful woman.
How Rana overcame her self-imposed barriers to become CEO of Affectiva.
Rana’s use of journaling to externalize and process her feelings.
Being a mother amongst all of the career challenges Rana faced.
Why Rana has decided to lead with empathy.
One thing Rana is reclaiming and hopes her book does.
References
The American University in Cairo
Featured Black Female Voice
You may remember Luvvie Ajayi Jones from our HEROINE episode “Speak Up & Tell Your Truth” where we talk about all things including white feminism.
Luvvie is an award-winning writer and 17-year blogging veteran known for her razor-sharp wit, and her take on all things pop culture, race, media, and technology.
Here’s what Luvvie’s been up to since we last spoke:
Luvvie is writing her second book, The Fear-Fighter Manual, due in 2021.
She was recently selected as part of Oprah’s inaugural SuperSoul 100 list.
You can learn more about Luvvie and her work on her website and by following her on Instagram @luvvie.
One Last Thing
If you preorder my book, Break the Good Girl Myth, before July 28th at goodgirlmyth.com, you will receive a bonus training (~$300 value) to help you design your creative purpose.
In the training, you'll learn:
➕ The one intention you must clarify to get clear about your creative purpose
➕ How to more easily bring shape to your creative purpose by choosing one of the four creator paths
➕ A powerful process for choosing a direction if you have a lot of interests and passions
➕ How to turn your creative dream plan into an actionable, creative dream plan