Why Unlearning is the Key to Becoming with Martha Beck, PhD
This week I’m thrilled to speak with a woman whose work I’ve followed for years.
Martha Beck, PhD, is a New York Times bestselling author, life coach, speaker, and holds three degrees from Harvard University. Oprah calls her “one of the smartest women I know.” Martha walked away from the religious Mormon community she was raised in, exposed her father, and wrote about the dark secrets and hypocrisy of the Mormon church in her book Leaving the Saints. She received backlash from the church, but in the process, found her true, whole self.
In this episode, Martha and I discuss why the intellect is important, but a deeper connection to nature and with our own souls is what the world truly needs. You’ll learn how breaking away from cultural rules brings us into alignment with our true selves, and we become whole, healthy, connected individuals full of integrity.
This is a beautiful conversation heroine, one of the top interviews in all my years of doing the show.
Featured Moment
Majo: There’s a cost around social connection, how do we deal with the loneliness that comes with standing in our own truth?
Martha: When you are in integrity, when you’re true to yourself, it will bring you every single thing that could possibly make you happy. True love, true friendship, true career, good health, everything. But it will cost you absolutely everything else. We’re afraid to lose relationships, we think we’ll be lonely because we’ll be in our truth by ourselves. Being in your truth with yourself is less lonely than being in a room full of people who are adulating you and not feeling like yourself. The moment you’re clearly in your own energy, the people who are drawn to you, and the people you’re drawn to, are like you, instead of being culturally fabricated. So many of us pretend to be what the culture wants us to be. We mesh with the other people who are pretending to be what the culture wants them to be. So there are two pretend people, having a pretend relationship, and nobody’s really there. You’re far less lonely, when you’ve claimed your truth, than before.
Show Notes
Martha on being raised as Mormon royalty due to his father’s “scholarly” work.
Discovering the hypocrisy surrounding certain religious people, including her father.
The intense experience of leaving the church and, with that, her family, friends, and culture.
How she got the courage to confront the deep religious conditioning she grew up in.
The crossroads experience of her pregnancy with her Down’s syndrome boy, Adam.
Hear why Martha felt like she needed to unlearn everything that she was taught at Harvard.
The restrictive good girl archetype as a socially constructed self for many women.
Distinguishing between the essential self that is natural and the social self that is cultural.
Understanding that finding and claiming your true nature does not come without opposition.
Withstanding backlash, the role of shame, and grieving the loss of cultural connection.
Why, for Martha, life coaching is such a powerful, necessary tool for society.
What the flip side of the Drama Triangle means for persecutors, victims, and rescuers.
How wayfinding can help us discover our deeper purpose and navigate through the chaos.
Find out how existing in alignment with your true nature brings you closer to the supernatural.
The magic of the written word when we write from a powerful connection to truth.
References
Diana, Herself: An Allegory of Awakening
Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith USA Today
Featured Indigenous Female Voice
Today’s Black, female spotlight is Ashley C. Ford, writer, podcaster, and educator.
You may remember Ashley from our episode “Hardship & Creativity” where we talk about letting go of shame and the relationship between personal hardships and creativity. Ashley also shares her perspective on Black Girl Magic.
Here’s what Ashley is up to now since that interview:
Currently writing her memoir, Somebody's Daughter, to be published by Flatiron Books under the imprint An Oprah Book
Hosted seasons one & three of Mastercard’s Fortune Favors The Bold podcast earlier this year
You can find more about Ashley’s work on her website, ashleycford.net and on Twitter @iSmashFizzle.
One Last Thing
P. S. So many of you are saying you love my new book, would you be such a Queen and submit a review online (wherever you purchased) if that’s the case? Reviews really help other women discover the book that way we can have more of us breaking our good girl myths and sharing our gifts. Pay it forward! Screenshot the review & tag me on Instagram for a re-share and call out. Remember, a review doesn’t have to be long, but simply honest and ideally specific.