What Projects Show Us When They Hurt
It’s been a while. I finished the book’s manuscript and though it will still need a lot of rewriting and editing, the bones are down. Overall, I’m happy with the bones. Writing was both exhilarating and absolutely torturous at times (though not as bad as the book proposal), but in the end, it gave me so much in return.
Through writing the manuscript, I learned about my own gifts. I love making connections with ideas, weaving themes together, zooming into big picture and fine details, synthesis, integration, blending, all the good stuff of an alchemist. It’s the kind of work I could do all day, because it doesn’t really feel like work.
The manuscript also helped me process some past wounds, especially around my relationships. As I was able to see connections, strip back layers, go deeper into what was really happening, I was able to see what was below the surface and what I had been denying to myself for years. Through writing, I shed light on some of my deepest places of shame – feeling cut off from my mother tongue and roots as an immigrant, ways I gave up my power to boys and men, and the mistakes I’ve made in my relationships to other women. All within the context of: How do we become more powerful as women?
What I’ve learned the most: I have to walk my path and I can’t just talk about it. How can I support women in confronting their shadows if I don’t confront my own? And let’s face it, we can never truly free up our energy and power to create change in this world if we aren’t willing to look at our shadows first. We’re all wounded to some degree in and by this dominant, mainstream culture whether we can see it or not, want to admit it or not. We have to do the work – the inner work.
I can’t believe this baby is coming out in fourteen months (May 2020, mark thy calendars!) from now. A long journey ahead, and my deepest longing is that this supports women in healing their hearts, and owning themselves unapologetically. Now that I’ve emerged from my creative cocoon a little bit, I’ll be sharing more and of course as we get closer to launch, you’ll be hearing way more from me.
I want to hear from you. Do you have a project that has grown you from the inside out? What gifts did it give you? Maybe this project showed you your own strengths, and resilience, or reflected back to you your own scars. I miss you and would love to hear back from you.
P.S. In other news, my husband and I left our place in San Francisco to experiment going nomadic before kids. Here’s my Instagram post about it. Since then, I’ve been to Costa Rica, Argentina, Brazil, and writing to you from Miami, FL at the moment. Next up: Arizona, New Mexico, Mexico, Spain, and Morocco – LMK if you have recs!
P.P.S. I haven’t forgotten about the podcast and the new season, more on that soon. I’m really excited about what I’m brewing up in the cauldron! I think you will be too.
Photo by artist Laura Porcelli